It's been a long, long, long time...

Too long.
But I've thought about posting.
Thing is, my sex life isn't very writable lately.

Last night, I planned to spend the night with S. Actually, just sleep together, as we both had other plans early in the evening.
I realized, as I was getting ready, that I was feeling decidedly more randy than I had been in the past week or so, and I got even more excited to see him.

Sometimes when he and I are together I feel like an over excited lap dog. I grab and kiss him all over when he's trying to do soemthing else (like cooking or reading). Last night that happened, as usual, but I was patient as I could be, waiting for him to be done and ready to go to bed.

The problem came when we actually got into bed. S lay down with his back to me and said something about being sleepy. I think complete dismay describes how I felt at that moment.  I told him that I really wanted to be touched, and he said, in a harassed voice, "what do you want me to do?". I just lay there for a moment, thinking about getting up and going home. I started to cry a bit, I couldn't find words. He asked me what was wrong, and I said "I feel kind of rejected. I really want you to touch me." He asked me (this time with a tender voice), "what do you want me to do?", and I said that I wanted him to show me that he desired me, that we didn't have to have sex, but I wanted to be touched and touch him. It was really hard to do this, both to request his touch and then share my feelings at his response.

He held me, hugging me tight. We kissed a bit, I snuck my hand down under the covers and touched him through his boxers. "Is it okay if I do this?" I asked.  He said yes, and I continued to touch and stroke his growing cock, as he rubbed my arm gently, and brushed his hands against my breasts. My period is coming and my breasts are really full and so sensitive. I told him I wanted him to play with them and I took off my shirt. I turned and half-lay on top of him, and we touched and kissed. He pulled me on top of him and began to suck on my nipples, going back and forth between them, nibbling and sucking. He was also running his hands ups and down my back. My skin felt so amazing, a bit electrified, really. It felt so good...

[skip to the end...]

I felt so much better after having him touch me. I felt better that I made my needs clear. I felt good being with him.
It's a hard thing to do, for me anyhow. I'm always afraid that saying what I want is a recipe for disaster. My relationship with S has become so solid, but I'm still worried about how to handle conflict, especialy around sex. I'm not all that good with it, and my experiences with my exhusband still have me spooked.

.....

(thanks for the note, Rob!)