Tag, I'm it!

Sigh.

I just came back here a few days ago and looked at a picture of my luscious boobs and really wished I felt like blogging.

Used to be I'd be sitting, looking at something outside, or thinking about how good my coffee was and a little bit of something erotic would pop into my head - I'd jot it down or send it to myself in an email and then expand on it.

For a while I was really loving writing with a bunch of people who were all in the know about Rope, Polyamory and other ways of life and diversions. But my well ran dry and the more I tried the more I felt like a failure. I'm happy with myself not writing at the moment. S and I are struggling with our definitions (of ourselves, each other, etc.) as well as settling into the long-term-relationship relationship with sex. Instead of shoving all of our responsibilities aside every weekend and spending all of our time in bed, we are learning to balance our lives as a whole.

This morning he came over with an axe and saw and cut down a tree in my back yard. That was great. I like that I ask and he figures out how it will get done.


I am still getting used to the fact that this is my life. After so much time running, I'm getting it - I'm in school now - did I tell you guys that? I am lucky to have at least one instructor each semester that I really like. This time it's my Spanish prof. She's fantastic. Like amazing Sex, speaking Spanish well is something that I am working up to. I can read it and write it okay, but get performance anxiety when I try to speak it with native or fluent speakers. I still feel this way when I'm in a sexual situation with someone I perceive as much more experienced (or much less inhibited).

Sex. Sex. Sex. I'm just not as focused on it right now. I mean, okay, that's not true. I am. But it's an *internal* focus. It's me and my body, and S's, and the other people who float through my head at any given time. It's not something I feel the need to share, and even when I do, I just don't seem to be able to write it out these days.

Anyhow, I came back because I moseyed over to Lola's place and found that she had tagged me! Theme of the meme: Ten things about me. Since this week has been full of odd coincidence (like: I was thinking about my most favourite and most hated coworker on Friday morning and on Friday evening I ran into him after more than a year after I left!), I thought it prudent to oblige her.

1) I am a ball of contradictions - confident yet crushingly shy, proud yet self doubting, innocent and jaded.

2) It gets tiring.

3) Sometimes I wonder what my body would look like if I got surgery: lipo, a tummy tuck, a boob lift.

4)I feel guilty that I think about these things, as I am supposed to be happy in my own skin.

5) I look pretty young. Hopefully a bit younger than my years (I am going to be 37 this year - what?), but I'm getting to that stage where girls in high school go with ma'am when addressing me. I guess I am old enough to be their mamma, but still.

6)Recently I have realized that my pubes are going grey.

7)I'm not vain enough to dye them. I hope.

8)When things are bad I worry that I will never be normal.

9)When things are good I hope I will never be normal.

10)I have finally started believing in my intellectual abilities.